We’re coming upon a season of change here in Virginia, and right now the weather is beautiful, the air is crisp, and nature’s palate is beginning to blossom with rich, vibrant hues of red, orange, and gold. If only it could stay this perfect. But the cold, colorless winter season that follows can easily throw a distorted lens over our lives, and for those of us who already struggle with depression, this just adds to feelings of despair.
According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, the word “hope” is defined as the following: “to cherish a desire with anticipation; to want something to happen or be true; to desire with expectation of obtainment or fulfillment; to expect with confidence.” I also looked at Wikipedia and found they list the definition as “an optimistic attitude of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large.”
Out of curiosity, I counted the number of times the word “hope” appeared in my book: it appeared in some form (hope, hopeless, hopeful) 39 times. Having hope gives us purpose. It gives us a reason to keep going. We have something–anything–to look forward to. Having no hope, on the other hand, is dangerous. The absence of hope is apathy, indifference. This is the mind of a depressed person. Not that everyone who is apathetic or indifferent is necessarily depressed, but depressed people are almost always apathetic and indifferent. This person simply stops caring. About anything.
For me, hope is an acronym meaning Hang On, Pain Ends. When I say that to people, they pause and say “oh yeahhhhh.” They get it. When we are depressed, it’s hard, if not impossible, to hope for anything. Depression hurts not only in our minds, our hearts, and our souls, but in our bodies too. We want the pain to end but sometimes we just don’t know what to do to make that happen. All we can do is hang on, and sometimes that is enough.
What I wrote towards the end of my book sums it up:
If I stood on that proverbial ledge leading to death and was somehow able to step back again, I believe others can, too. If I was able to hold on just one more minute, take one more breath, stay alive for one more day, others can too. I’ve made it to the other side of darkness, and this place is a beautiful place.
Here’s what I hope for: I hope to live a long time, I hope my granddaughter-to-be is healthy, I hope both of my daughters have fulfilling lives, I hope my contributions make a difference in this world, I hope all of my husband’s dreams come true. I hope.
What do you hope for?